


hey the prince of hell called. ze said fuck you.

by avosettas



Category: Beetlejuice - All Media Types, Beetlejuice - Perfect/Brown & King, Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Bit of divergence from the musical though, Canon - Good Omens (Book & TV Combination), Canon - Musical, Gen, generally just beej being a little shit and crowley being Done with it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:47:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22428070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avosettas/pseuds/avosettas
Summary: Somehow, literally rebelling against Hell and teaming up with an angel to thwart the apocalypse wasn’t enough to get banished to the Netherworld, though. And so Anthony J. Crowley continued on with no knowledge of it.
Relationships: background Adam Maitland/Barbara Maitland, background Aziraphale/Crowley - Relationship
Comments: 5
Kudos: 106





	hey the prince of hell called. ze said fuck you.

**Author's Note:**

> ok so i am mixing up the beetlejuice canons - musical beej, but some elements of moviw canon (mostly juno-related). tv verse for good omens. 
> 
> once again!!! thanks soda @sodalite-fulll for helping me with headcanons, letting me borrow his headcanons, and sort of betaing for me.  
> i'm @asriells on tumblr come talk to me about beetlejuice

Any immortal or dead beings are separated into Heaven and Hell. This is generally known, or at least speculated, by humans of most major religions. 

What is not known is that there is a third afterlife, mainly for the dead who are unremarkable. Technically, it’s considered a subsection of Hell, too, so some troublesome demons get banished there. (It’s not enough of a problem among angels to need a place to banish the rebellious ones.) 

This third afterlife is, generally, forgotten about by most demons. The princes of Hell, for instance, remember. Juno, the prince in charge of this third afterlife, the Netherworld, remembers. 

And of course, Lawrence “Beetlejuice” Betelgeuse Shoggoth, bio-exorcist and, according to one ghost, a “needy pervert”, among the most infamous demons banished to the Netherworld, remembered. 

Somehow, literally rebelling against Hell and teaming up with an angel to thwart the apocalypse wasn’t enough to get banished to the Netherworld, though. And so Anthony J. Crowley continued on with no knowledge of it. 

~

Until this morning, that is. 

He and Aziraphale had moved across the pond - to Connecticut, specifically, an idyllic little town called Winter River. No more responsibilities from Heaven or Hell, and a tidy little pension from all their centuries of service, begrudgingly handed over by their superiors.

Also, Crowley had been kind of betting that they’d be left alone after the stunts they pulled at their trials. 

But no. While Aziraphale works on the Sunday crossword and Crowley drinks incredibly strong coffee in an attempt to wake himself up, despite it being nearly noon already, Beelzebub decides to show up. 

“Huh, thought you’d decided to leave me alone,” Crowley grumbles, still sipping at his sour coffee. 

“I had,” Beelzebub replies, a look on zer face like ze had just eaten a particularly bad grape. “But no one else will take this, and, well. We figure should see what you missed out on dealing with.” Ze slides a file across the table. 

Aziraphale watches the exchange warily behind his reading glasses. Beelzebub barely spares him a glance.  
Crowley, meanwhile, has opened the folder. “Oh, no. No, no, no.” He pushes the folder back. “I’m not keeping an eye on him.” 

“‘S that or the Netherworld,” Beelzebub replies, leaning back in zer chair. 

“I thought the Netherworld was a myth,” Crowley hisses. 

“Mm, well. Juno would be excited to have you working for her. She’s needed a new assistant ever since that one,” ze nods towards the folder, “decided to go solo, or whatever.” With a roll of zer eyes, Beelzebub leans forward. “Look. I don’t really give a shit what you do. Just check up on him every so often. He lives down the block.” 

“Shouldn’t he be…”

“Some little human got fond of him.” Beelzebub’s lip curls. Then, ze’s gone. The folder remains, grimy on the kitchen table. 

Crowley hisses at it. Aziraphale takes the opportunity to reach over him for the folder. There’s a small picture paper clipped to the inside of the front part - the demon in the picture has almost a childish pout, with sharp teeth poking out behind his lips, bright amber eyes, and dark hair that fades to green the further it gets from the roots. His suit is filthy and striped like a prison uniform, and his face is unshaven and scruffy. 

“Lawrence Betelgeuse Shoggoth,” Aziraphale reads. 

“Don’t say it too many times,” Crowley grunts. Then he straightens, “Actually, I don’t think it works for us. Gotta be alive, or something, and we don’t count. Idiot got himself kicked into the Netherworld and then cursed - he can’t say his own name.” 

“How awful.” 

“I mean, not that awful. Last I knew he mostly went by his middle name, and the only one who called him by his first name was Juno, I think.” At Aziraphale’s look of confusion, he explains, “Juno’s the director of Netherworld and a lesser prince of Hell. Real bitch. She’s the one who cursed him, actually. Pissed he left her to deal with all that paperwork by herself, probably.” Crowley pauses. “Wait… I think it was that he can’t say his middle name. Okay, yeah that might be kind of awful.” 

“You’re rambling, dear.” 

“He caused a lot of issues before he got banished,” Crowley grumbles, leaning on Aziraphale’s shoulder. “Gettin’ people involved in schemes and shit like that. Anyway, he can’t say his own middle name, because that’ll summon him if it’s said three times in a row. Spoken unbroken.” 

“How strange.” Aziraphale replies, leaning to read the folder again. “There does seem to be… something off about him, though.” Something about the childish face paired with the knowledge that he did something awful enough to be banished out of Hell. 

Crowley just mumbles noncommittally. 

~

Later, they make their way over to the house. “Let him know there’s still an eye on him,” Crowley says, looking annoyed. 

“What did he… do?” Aziraphale asks, almost afraid to know. 

“Eh, I think they just got tired of his bullshit,” Crowley shrugs, turning up the walk to an old Victorian style home. “Nice place. Can’t believe he hasn’t fucked it up.” 

“Is he that dangerous?” Aziraphale stares up at the house. There’s definitely something… not human in there. And something vaguely human, but not quite. 

“Nah,” Crowley replies. “Just annoying and a troublemaker. Thrives on chaos.” Then he knocks, three times. “Once he ate all of Beelzebub’s flies. Think that was the last straw.” 

The door swings open. A tall, blonde woman stands there. “Um, hi. Can I help you?” 

Immediately, Aziraphale notices that she’s only a soul. “Er -” 

“Is Beetlejuice there?” Crowley interrupts, deadpan. 

“...Yes?” The woman hazards, looking back into the house. “Did you need something from him?” She looks calm and polite, but Aziraphale can tell that she’s prepared to fight if Crowley tries anything. 

“I’m supposed to be checking on him,” Crowley says with a curled lip. “And he’s just along for the ride,” he adds, jabbing a thumb at Aziraphale. 

“Ooookay.” She moves from the doorframe to let them in. There’s another soul in the room - a man, this one. 

Crowley pays him no attention. Instead, he walks straight to the two teenagers in the middle of the floor, engrossed in some kind of video game. “Beetlejuice.” 

One of the teenagers does a double take - now Aziraphale sees he isn’t quite a teenager. It’s the demon from Beelzebub’s folder. 

“Ugh,” he groans, falling dramatically onto his back. His teeth have bits of insects stuck in them. “Beez is still sending people to check on me?” 

“What?” The girl next to him snorts, pausing their game. “Did you do something stupid again?” 

“No!” 

“Look, it was either I check in on you or I get stuck doing paperwork since I stopped the apocalypse or whatever,” Crowley tells the other demon testily. 

“I liked you better when you were a snake, Crawly. Whatever happened to that?” Betelgeuse says tangentially. 

“It’s _Crow_ ley now.” 

“Oh. I still liked the snake.” 

“I liked it better when I didn’t have to deal with you.” 

“Are you guys from the Netherworld?” The girl interrupts. 

“Er, no,” Aziraphale replies between Crowley and Betelgeuse’s arguing. “I’m just kind of… here.” 

“Oh yeah, Lyds, the Netherworld isn’t the only place you can go when you die,” Betelgeuse grins. “If you’re really good, and vanilla, or whatever, you get to go to Heaven. If you’re shitty you go to Hell. But most humans go to the Netherworld these days.” 

“So you guys are dead, like Beej, and Adam and Barbara.” The couple from before is sat on the couch still - Aziraphale pretends he didn’t forget about them. 

“You told them you were _dead_?” Crowley asks in disbelief. 

“I hate to tell you,” Betelgeuse replies deadpan, “but it’s a lot easier to deal with breathers and newly-deads when they think you used to be human once upon a time.” 

“ _What_?” The male soul asks. Unfortunately, Betelgeuse and Crowley have started a whole new argument by this point.

“Um. As Mr. Betelgeuse said, there’s a Heaven and Hell,” Aziraphale explains quickly to the souls and the girl. “We’re from there - I am an angel, and Crowley is a demon.”

“So what’s your name?” The girl asks suspiciously. 

“Aziraphale, the Guardian of the Eastern Gate,” Aziraphale tells her proudly. 

“I guess the name thing is limited to BJ,” the female soul says to her partner. “I’m Barbara. This is my husband Adam.” The male soul waves a bit, keeping one nervous eye on Betelgeuse and Crowley. 

“I’m Lydia Deetz,” the girl adds. “So you guys were sent to do… what, exactly?” 

“Did you get him to take a bath?” Crowley interrupts. He’s holding Betelgeuse up by one arm. 

“Delia did that,” Barbara says cheerfully. “Lydia’s stepmom.” 

“I’m still mad about that,” Betelgeuse grumbles. 

“He caused the Black Death, angel.” Crowley says over their heads, dropping the other demon back to the ground. 

“Got a pretty good commendation for it,” Betelgeuse grins. “Didn’t help when they banished me, though.” 

“Wait, I’m confused -” Adam begins. 

“Okay, so, I used to be a demon like him -” Betelgeuse points at Crowley. “- but I got in trouble too many times and they said ‘fuck you, BJ’, and made me go work in the Netherworld as Juno’s assistant.” 

“She’s looking for a new assistant,” Crowley tells him. “It was this or doing her damned paperwork.” 

“Okay, see, you should’ve fuckin’ opened with that, Crawly.” Lydia rolls her eyes and mouths _He does that with my stepmom all the time_. Aziraphale assumes she means messing up the names. “I woulda taken dealing with me over dealin’ with Juno anyday.” 

“I’m starting to wish I’d decided to deal with Juno instead.”


End file.
